


Pitch me a Plot, Ruby

by Illwix_T4ntul



Category: Homestuck, Homestuck 2: Beyond Canon - Fandom
Genre: Adopted Children, Domestic, Football | Soccer, Headcanon, Homestuck 2: Beyond Canon, If you want to use this Homestuck 2 writing staff just hit me up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-01
Updated: 2020-08-01
Packaged: 2021-03-06 00:06:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,201
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25654105
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Illwix_T4ntul/pseuds/Illwix_T4ntul
Summary: Young Ruby(Yiffany) Harlonde has been sent to live with their Uncle Jake English, far away from the watchful eyes of the world. But staying cooped up inside is no way to raise a child, especially one with such an affinity for sports.Jake himself is no stranger to a day spent entirely outdoors. What better way to give this child some variety than to introduce them to a classic English pastime: The game of soccer.
Comments: 4
Kudos: 12





	Pitch me a Plot, Ruby

**Author's Note:**

> (For anyone confused to Yiffany’s pronouns and name change, their designer has proposed Ruby as an alternate name and stated they use They/Them pronouns:  
> https://www.reddit.com/r/homestuck/comments/hu1q42/kim_quach_designer_of_yiffy_states_that_their/)

The fresh dew of yet another perfect morning clung to the untrodden, artificial blades of Earth C’s first soccer field. Jake English hovered down onto the field, grass squishing beneath his feet. He was dressed for the occasion, tank-top and brown shorts barely covering the curls of maturing hair on him. In his arms he carried a slumbering little curled child, head tucked into his arms as they snoozed away under the warm bask of daybreak.

The field itself was nothing special. A standard plot of land and those standard rows of seats where, later tonight, there would no doubt be thousands of cheering Carapacians, Trolls, Humans, and Consorts. But for now, in this silence, it was only his.

“Hey.” He whispered, scratching the child’s head, “Come on Ruby, time to wake up.”

They stirred in his arms, head popping out of his grasp along with two, floppy wolf ears. He chuckled at the sight of it. A kid with ears larger than their head, imagine that. They weren’t his child, sure. Uncle Jake as he liked to call himself. Well, what he’d like to call himself if he ever got to mention he was an Uncle to anyone. His stomach rolled, that same guilt that’d been building inside of him for the past five years bubbling out once more as he thought about just what he was enabling with this child. It’d been a personal favor, he kept telling himself. A personal favor to a family member who meant the world to him. It’d taken nearly all of his husband capitol convincing Jane to help out his sister with this. This child meant the world to her, so he took the burden onto himself to give them the world. 

“Mmm.” They yawned, stretching out their little limbs as he set them down. Their hair was an absolute nightmare of bedhead, that overgrown black dog fuzz growing along their ears no doubt exacerbating the problems.

“Oh come on you little thing.” Jake tutted, softly setting Ruby down on the field. Another twinge of guilt. Ruby, that wasn’t exactly the name Jade had given him to use either. He’d tried to soften the blow by modifying their… original title. Tiffy, Jiffy, Stocky, even giving just Tif a try at one point, but nothing he did helped him forget he was only modifying a horribly inappropriate name for this little child.

It’d been a few years ago when he’d settled on Ruby. He’d been watching over them and Tavros playing together, he figured they were both a little too young to really remember the other, so his promise to Jade would still be fulfilled. The two of them were playing with some blocks, crafting up a towering little replica of the family mansion. Heh, Sburb naturals, he’d remembered muttering to himself. He’d turned his attention down to his phone for a moment when he remembered little Tiffy pacing up to him, gesturing to a TV which had been playing the news nearby.

“Strider!” They’d babbled in that messy child speech, pointing up at the news feed. Sure enough, in full view of the news cameras, hovered Dave all dressed in his red god-tier robes.

“Oh yes! That’s Dave!” He’d smiled, holding Tiffy up closer to the TV. “Do you recognize him? Your mom might have shown you some photos of him.” He remembered that moment being particularly cruel in its irony. For a child to be admiring their father on television without so much as knowing of each other’s existence.

“His clothes are pretty.” They’d pointed, the TV’s old, bulky form darkening the already fairly dark red robes.

“Do you like them? I’d dare say they’re a proper Ruby red over the telly.”

“Ruby?” They’d quirked their head to the side before, with a clap, excitedly saying again, “Ruby!!”

“Hm? Yes! Ruby!” He’d laughed along. “You know, Ruby is quite special. It can be a colour _and_ a name!”

“Ruby can be a name?” Tiffy had asked, still staring in awe at the heroics of Dave up on the screen. Seemed to be an old rerun of his time spent during the game. There were a couple specials that ran about each of their journeys. 

“Of course it can! Just as much as, say, Jake ooorrrrr Jane, or Jade! Goodness, we do have quite a few J names in our family, don’t we?” He giggled, ruffling their hair.

“Jade… Mom?”

“That’s… that’s right.” He gave a half smile before continuing on with his cheery demeaner “Y’know, Jades are a type of mineral too. Quite beautiful ones at that, just like your mother, and like you!” He bopped their nose.

“Like Rubies!” Tiffy cheered, “I wanna be a pretty jewel like momma!”

Jake smiled, that face so dripped in melancholy. Of course you can be a jewel, you sweet child, you already were one. Ruby, though, what a wonderful name. Red like their father, a gemstone like their mother. It was perfect.

“Come on Ruby, wipe that sleepiness from your eyes, alright?” Ordered Jake back in the present. Jake licked the tips of his fingers, trying to grease together a few of the wilder bands of hair protruding from the kid’s mane. Calling it off as a fruitless effort, he retrieved the small backpack slung over his shoulder, ruffling through it for the soccer equipment stored within.

“Mmm, where are we Uncle Jake?” Ruby yawned, tugging on a pair of cleats Jake handed them.

“This, my dear nephew, is the Dirk Strider memorial football field. I know he was a bit before your time, but I’ve told you stories about your Uncle Dirk, yes?” Jake plucked out a soccer ball from the bag, tossing the rest of the empty sack into the stands. He gave it a soft kick as it bounced off the ground. Still plenty of air even after all these years.

“Yeah, he was an inventor, right?” Ruby lazily followed the ball across the field, tapping it with their own shoe every now and then to keep the momentum up.

“Quite right. Damn near the best inventor any world’s ever seen. He-“ Jake dashed over to where Ruby was tiptoeing around the ball, his own foot sweeping in as he juggled the thing between toes, “was also quite the sportsman. Taught me near all the tricks I know about football. Or, as most our family calls it, soccer.”

Ruby watched, ears perked as Jake seamlessly juggled the ball between his legs, knees bent up to bounce the thing like it was nothing.

“So then, Miss Ruby, I’ve decided no good Harley, and certainly no good English, would be a complete person without a customary instruction in the queen’s sport.”

They blinked.

“What I’m trying to say is that I’m going to teach you soccer, capiche?”

“Oh? Oh!!” Ruby’s face lit up in excitement, tail popping out of her shorts as it eagerly began wagging. “Really?? Thanks Uncle Jakey!”

Jake smiled. Oh they were a Harley alright. That eager, fang-toothed grin, how their tail was reaching new wind speeds as they ran out with the ball. He’d often sat and wondered how he could’ve done such a bang-up job raising Jade back in her universe, if she’d been half as adorable as this kid, he doubted he’d ever be able to leave the island. Then again… it was probably because of that parenting that he was left raising Ruby in the first place.

It was nearly noon before they took their first break. Dripping with sweat and heaving just a bit too hard for a man his health and age, Jake stumbled back to the stands and popped his phone out of his backpack, tapping out the instructions for a few alchemized sports drinks for the two of them. Ruby was still out on the field, eagerly, though not necessarily competently, kicking the ball between the two goals before running after it. 

“You’re a natural at this, Ruby!” Jake cheered, settling into one of the few seats partially covered in shadow. “Remember to control your kick strength! Not everything has to be a cross-field wonder of a goal!” He laughed. Okay, it was pretty adorable how their kicks seemed to be aiming more for the ball to end up in space rather than the other end of the pitch.

He felt his phone vibrate in his hand. Oh crud, he’d meant to check it before now. It’d just been so easy to forget about it, all tucked in his backpack. Plus, it’d been nice to just forget about the rest of the world for a few hours. It’s not like anything had really been considered, “urgent” news for the past decade. It was a call from Jane. He sighed, eyebrows furrowed. He loved his wife, but she certainly was… Overprotective? Yeah, that’s probably the word he’d use in public.

“Janey! So sorry I missed your calls earlier, what can I-“ He winced as she cut him off. Yep, here was that earful he was expecting. “Yes well- No, little… Tiffy is fine. They’re out here with me at the football field. The one we had commemorated? Yes, just outside the picnic area? No- no Jane there’s… no, there’s no one around. Not a single soul for miles, love. No I’m sure no one saw us fly over. Well!- Because it was the dead of night and, unless someone forgot to bloody well inform me, humans aren’t exactly that good at picking out things in the black of-… Yes honey, yes I understand. Yes, we’ll be back soon.”

He hung up, letting out a long sigh. His wife’s concerns were justified, perhaps. He’d only imagined they’d be out here for an hour or so, not so much the entire morning. Pretty soon there'll be other people poking their heads in, setting up for the game and whatnot for the local High School tonight. School, another point of regret burning a dull hole through him. Ruby was getting to that age where all properly socialized children pack up every morning and head off to a public institution their infinite tax dollars fund: the school. Jane had insisted on a private education, one of her own Crocker-Corp boarding schools. In all honesty, he didn’t have much reason to favor a public option himself. He knew the risk of Ruby getting exposed to the world would be lower in a private school, but there was just some part of him that worried.

It wasn’t easy being a child growing up alone. He would despise himself if he let that happen to Ruby too.

He tried to assuage his fears. There would be soccer fields at the boarding school, he’d gone and toured the campus himself, and all the best teachers grist could buy. He had wanted to make a point of asking why there were no Trolls working there, but… he knew Jane was upset about this plan as it was without throwing in more jabs at her personal belief system. 

He sighed, taking another long swig of his sports drink. It wasn’t easy being the husband to the most powerful woman on Earth C.

“Come on Ruby, it’s about time to be headed home.” Jake called out, tossing the empty bottle into his backpack. He hated that, even at this distance, he could still see her ears wilt at that. “Hey, it’s alright! We’ll be out again before too long.” He tried reassuring them as he floated over, dropping to a stop just a few feet in front of them.

“… Can we come out here tomorrow?” Ruby pouted, kicking the ball up into their hands.

“Hey! Nice move.” Jake complimented, taking the ball offered out to him. “And… of course, Rube. I… know how often you want to get out of the house.” Locked up, that’d been the Crocker policy since they’d arrived here. Not to be seen out when guests are over, not to be let out to be spotted in the streets. “If you want to do this right, you’ll need to listen to me, dear” Jane had threatened, knowing full well how much the child’s secrecy mattered to both Jade and Rose.

He hoisted them up by the scruff of their shirt, tossing them effortlessly over onto his shoulders. It was their preferred method of riding him when they were awake, hands gripped just a little too tight onto his greying hair.

“Thanks Uncle Jake.” They smiled, resting their head on his.

“Of course, Ruby.” The two began floating off, the city shrinking beneath them as they ascended into the heavens. “You know, you’re going to make a wonderful soccer player one day.”

“Do you think so?” Ruby let her arm trail out, a cloud clinging to it for a moment before they burst out above their puffy cover.

“Of course! You can do anything, Ruby. Be anyone.”

“Don’t ever let anyone tell you otherwise.” 

Across the horizon, the Harley-English manor began growing in view as they descended. Locked up was no way for a child to live. Isolation was a monster and, if no one else was going to raise this child, he didn’t much mind making it his responsibility instead. 


End file.
